A year ago

Well it is hard to believe, but it has been one year since we went to Seattle and handed Jacob over to a highly skilled team of Doctors and Nurses to try and stop his seizure disorder called Infantile Spasms.  So much has happened in this last year, that in some ways it feels like a lifetime ago.  One year ago today, I did not know what the outcome of his surgery would be, I only hoped that it would be for the better.  I knew there was no way he could go on having so many seizures a day, and I knew that even if the surgery did not stop his seizures completely, that they would at least be less than they were.  The first days, even weeks after the surgery when we did not see any seizures, it was almost surreal.  In some ways, we were holding our breath, waiting to see if they would appear, but they never came.  It was not an easy journey, especially those first few weeks, he had to work hard, in fact he still does, but now it does come easier for him.

When Jacob was a baby, before the Infantile Spasms, I had no idea what was in store for us, of course how could I.  I did not know I would ever have the strength to see my baby go through everything he has had to go through.  He started out so happy and healthy, it was hard to imagine that he would ever be anything but.  Fortunately he is strong and resilient!  I can honestly say I am much stronger and maybe even a bit more resilient than I used to be.  I of course don't know what the future holds for any of us, but I do know now, that whatever it throws at us, we can take it.

Jacob is doing so well, and I know that things could have been so much worse.  I am grateful that he came out with the best case scenario from our life changing ordeal, and still truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not ever understand completely why we have been taken on this particular path, but I do know I have learned a lot from it. I hope that I may be able to help others faced with similar circumstances from time to.

Maybe when Jacob is older he will be able to tell us how he felt during all of this (and maybe he won't). He will have great experiences to share, even if he does not remember it all. I look forward to his future now, as I do with all my boys, no matter what happens.